Single Moms Are Evil!

Irresponsible people make me sick! Especially single moms! How dare they bring children into this world outside of the sanctity of marriage? How dare they through their despicable and deplorable behavior bring children into this world whom are doomed to be fatherless, living in poverty,  and riding the rails of failure? What are they thinking? One can surmise that they are not thinking at all; well at least not thinking beyond those fleeting moments of passions. Single moms are evil and a cancerous blight on society. These statements have been made about single moms and are legitimate concerns. Should this notion that single moms are responsible for much of the problems in society be challenged or are they accurate summations of singlemotherdom? 

When I began this blog, I had in mind that I want to be the African American version of Ann Coulter. Ann Coulter of course is a conservative social and political talking head. She is a self-proclaimed polemicist and lives for stirring the proverbial pot. In that same vein, in preparation for writing this blog I read (Cliffs Notes Style) her book "Guilty: Liberal "Victims" and Their Assault on America", and was taken aback by the validity of many claims Mrs. Coulter made in regards to single mothers and what their off spring often  produce. As a single mother, my conscious mind wanted to dismiss the facts Mrs. Coulter had compiled. I wanted to look for loopholes and implications of her getting it wrong. However, that can't happen because she gets it right. Spot on, right. 

In the chapter of the book entitled "Victim of a crime? Thank a single mom", I was quickly reminded of Mitt Romney basically saying during a presidential debate that single moms are responsible for automatic weapons related violence. Here is an excerpt from that chapter:

“Here is the lottery ticket that single mothers are handing their innocent children by choosing to raise them without fathers: Controlling for socioeconomic status, race, and place of residence, the strongest predictor of whether a person will end up in prison is that he was raised by a single parent. By 1996, 70 percent of inmates in state juvenile detention centers serving long-term sentences were raised by single mothers. Seventy-two percent of juvenile murderers and 60 percent of rapists come from single-mother homes. Seventy percent of teenage births, dropouts, suicides, runaways, juvenile delinquents, and child murderers involve children raised by single mothers. Girls raised without fathers are more sexually promiscuous and more likely to end up divorced. A 1990 study by the Progressive Policy Institute showed that after controlling for single motherhood, the difference between black and white crime rates disappeared."

Here is another excerpt from the book:

"A study cited in the Village Voice produced similar numbers. It found that children brought up in single-mother homes ‘are five times more likely to commit suicide, nine times more likely to drop out of high school, 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances, 14 times more likely to commit rape (for the boys), 20 times more likely to end up in prison, and 32 times more likely to run away from home.’ Single motherhood is like a farm team for future criminals and social outcasts."

Wow! Pretty sobering statistics especially for someone like me who is a single mother of THREE! I kept saying to myself, "Oh no. My boys are going to grow up to be rapists and murderers if they don't commit suicide first. And my daughter is going to be a promiscuous, high school dropout, runaway. ALL because I CHOSE to be a single mom." Well correction, I didn't specifically choose nor not choose to be a single mom. And therein lies the problem. But my children also did not choose to be the product of a single parent home. Much to my chagrin, I had to admit, though I gave it greater than a college try to debunk the facts, that these numbers do reflect the harsh realities of being raised by a single mother.  

So where do we go from here? First of all, lets get it straight that Mrs. Coulter is a neoconservative who is staunchly pro-life. I often wonder if she would want those murderers, rapist, delinquents, and otherwise aborted in order to save the nation from its single motherhood-induced demise, because we all know that birth control methods are not 100% fool proof. Choice, I think choice is a very important part of the equation. I believe when individuals have enough choices, they are more likely to make better choices. 

Second of all, lets not only look at the statistics. There is no yard stick in those statistics pertaining to single mother involvement in the lives of the children. Black and white parents, rich and poor parents, city and country parents alike can be bad parents, regardless of whether there is a mother and a father in the home. There is no measure of whether the single parent is a good parent or a bad parent. This is critical! The yardsticks that were used to create the statistics also give no mention of whether the single mom practiced any particular religion. Do the numbers change for single moms who practice Christianity? Oh wait, I suppose Mrs. Coulter would deduce that if they were truly born again Christians they would not be single mothers at all. At any rate, it isn't up to me to debunk her claims in their totality. It is up to me to ensure that my children do not and will not end up a part of these statistics. That is what any good parent would do.  

Finally, let's get some truth out there. Being a single mother is HARD! Being a parent is HARD! Do you know how many times I wished there was someone who would yell at the children for leaving their dirty clothes on floor so I wouldn't have to? How many times I wished that I could get sick and have someone else to do the running, cooking, and cleaning? Or how many times I have wanted to be weak but I had to be strong? I incur panic, doubt, loneliness, exhaustion, resentment, and even anger at times and at the end of it all, I am still parenting alone. No soft place for me to fall. 

My 8th grader who will be going into high school next year will be in Honor's Math and Honor's English. My 7th grader is an avid athlete and great student. My 6th grader received honors for end of the school year testing and is in some categories, she is testing above the 95% percentile. They are well rounded and well accepted among their peers. I have an exceptional nephew who is currently attending University of Louisville on a full four year academic scholarship who was raised by a single mom. The President of the United States was raised by a single mom. There are exceptions to every rule or in this case statistic. 

My hope is that single motherhood becomes obsolete as young women empower themselves and take control of their reproductive rights. I hope that men will rise up and be  fathers and stick around and be responsible for rearing their children. It is time that we raise our moral compasses and stop saying yes to things to which we should say no. We should say NO to being "baby mama's." We should say NO to unhealthy single parenthood just as we should say no to unhealthy two parent families. Why, because children should be the by products of healthy relationships. We shouldn't shame young women into not becoming a single parent statistics, rather we should educate them. With no one willing to concede to the difficulties, no one willing to concede to saying if I could have done it differently, there is no one who can be educated and do things differently. When you are a single mom their is no time to feel sorry for yourself and few people who would, so as we go about the business of doing this job, we owe it to our children to rise above the tide of statistics and carve out a life for our children that many would think impossible. Being a mother is my greatest accomplishment. Being a single mother is my greatest challenge. 

~When you know better, you do better~ Maya Angelou   

                               Credits: Guilty: Liberal "Victims" and Their Assault on America by Ann Coulter